You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
