if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
