i barfeds in our rink
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
