dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
