I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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