I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
