Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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