Just cropdusted the office
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
