Fine. I'll sleep in my office
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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