so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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