Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
