Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
