Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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