I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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