his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Enjoy the penises
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
