remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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