careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
