so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hippo gnu deer
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
