so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
is wine microwaveable?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
where are you?
Hypothermia
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
