You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just had sex on a roof
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
