the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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