remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
