We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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