Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
