Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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