Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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