I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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