No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
