the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
