I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
