shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
