this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
