can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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