U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
