he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Enjoy the penises
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
