Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you had me at cake vodka
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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