Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
