No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there was a trapeze. enough said
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
