We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
