I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
