sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
