I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
