Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I party with great urgency now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
