he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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