Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
