DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
