there's paper in my vomit.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
