Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
