His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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