Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Two words: blizzard sex
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
