GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
