Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the liver wants what the liver wants
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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