he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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