Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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