Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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