we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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