ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
