It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
