she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
