i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
