We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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