Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
