I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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