I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
operation harelip BJ is a go
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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