did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, beer. Big fan.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize