Farmville is her only friend.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
